Now, I have had a tough life and won't go into details. At 53, enough means enough. I have been thinking about this for the last week and half. The reasons are multiple-the state of our country, my life and expectations and most recently an interview that I did for Experience Life magazine. This interview which spotlights me and my fitness journey will be in the magazine next March.
As I was chronicling my journey with the writer, she asked me what I would tell someone who has been struggling with life. Her reasoning was that my story would resonate with almost anyone. A woman, a mom, someone who suffered from depression, a divorcee, someone with ADD, a student, a cancer survivor, someone with thyroid disease and finally a runner. What were my words of wisdom? What could I pass on to someone, anyone who is struggling? All I could think of was ENOUGH. I had written this on a piece on paper when I started running. Why?
Maybe because I didn't feel I was enough. I had been told for years that I was nothing. I didn't feel as though I had accomplished anything in my life. I had never been involved in sports and running was new to me. I was overweight, depressed and in a bad marriage. I was in school struggling with raising teenagers, working three part-time jobs and trying to hold my life together. I also have always struggled with my self-esteem. Was I enough? Had I had enough?
Now, as I enter my fifth year as a blogger and runner, have I had enough? The answer is NO! I may not always be on target with my goals but I will never give up. I set some pretty high goals at times and as I get older, I realize that maybe this is a mistake. I'm not saying to set high goals but maybe not quite as many as I do. Inevitably, I don't achieve many of these goals as I get easily overwhelmed due to my ADD and then get depressed when I don't achieve them. I once had a college professor tell me that I was an overachiever (not that I think I am) but maybe he had a point. My first year in running was glorious with races, meeting new friends and achieving goals. From then on, it has been a tremendous journey and changed my life but I have been hard on myself. I have let myself down, get down and continued to struggle. I will never be a fast runner, have let myself get into slumps especially this year and probably never get back to where I was in June when I was training with an Army Ranger but it is ok. Right now in the moment, I am going to do what I can, with what I have and what I know, from where I am and that's enough.
Now, what happened to that piece of paper with ENOUGH on it. I still have it and have added on to it. I carry it with me during races sometimes and have it with my medals.